Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize