my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
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