I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
