the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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