Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
