smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
