i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
