I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
