Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
