it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
