Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
