Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
