My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
