just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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