my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
