I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
