these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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