I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
