two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
