Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
