I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
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