I bet he comes in French.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
