Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
