Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
