NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Four minutes until I can fart!
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
