My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
