you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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