but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
