I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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