Swine flu. Run for my life!
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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