We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
