I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
