I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
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