Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
zippers are such a cool invention
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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