My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
