I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
