I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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