No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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