You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
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