um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
