i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
