it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
