Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
