im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i think my mom watched the whole time
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
