she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
