I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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