can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
He felt like a one man threesome
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I need water and some morals
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize