so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
