I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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