i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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