franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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