Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
