Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
