So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
