I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Randomize
