You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I wish i was in the wii world.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Randomize
