I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
