Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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