Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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