So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
zippers are such a cool invention
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
