I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
