I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
