dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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