the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
