yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
