Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
