so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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