bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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