but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
