Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
