I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
