I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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