Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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