I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
