Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
