I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
